DAMN

Living far away from ridiculously sexy women that I wanna meet and other stuff really sucks.

RELATIONS

I can totally relate to Robert Downey Jr. now that I’ve been out of a rehab for a week.

TIME

It’s that time of night again where I set my phone to airplane mode and the ringer on loud.

THE FUCK??

When did it become ok to be all wet and slightly chilly and shit around here?

The most satisfying sex is with someone you love…

purplebullfinch:

which explains tumblr’s obsession with masturbation.

OFF THE GRID… WITH TWO Zs

I know I’m not on here much anymore, but I felt I should share this with everyone. Starting tomorrow I won’t be around here, or anywhere for that matter, for at least two weeks. It’s like I’m going out of town but I’m not and I’ll only be at one place for the entire time. It’ll be like I’m camping except I’ll be inside and not camping. I won’t have access to my phone or the internet. I’ll be off the grid. In the jungle. On the lamb.

I’ll be talking to people I don’t know and about things that some go to school for long periods of time to learn. It’s not gonna be fun and I’m even considering doing my impression of Tom Cruise the entire time but I’m afraid I don’t have the smile to pull that off. So I’ll most likely be going with either my Jon Lovitz, Robert De Niro or Tina Fey impression.

Wish me luck. I love you.

REHAB

DID YOU KNOW THAT REHAB CLINICS DONT GIVE YOU ROBES OR SLIPPERS??!!!

DESTINY

With today’s technology, you’d think that girls named Destiny would be able to predict the future.

BIG BREAK

I never say bye when ending phone calls because I’m practicing for my big movie break.

Really, JarJar? Really?

P. S. JarJar // JonJon, no relation

EWTRTW

Everybody wants to rule the world.

ALS

Nobody has nominated me for that stupid ALS challenge because I don’t have any friends :[